I am a “40ish” Mom and Wife who has suffered from several co-morbid mental illnesses since childhood.  The worst of these has been severe Major Depressive Disorder.  But lately the medication has gotten that under control and I’ve been most negatively affected by Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder first caused by a highly abusive childhood and then further exacerbated by being trapped in downtown Manhattan on 9/11. But I pushed forward regardless.  In 2012, after several years working in a highly charged and verbally abusive environment, I fell apart and was put into a partial hospitalization program for Trauma Survivors where I remained for nearly 6 weeks.  Since then I’ve focused on a myriad of therapeutic and drug interventions and finally I am beginning to feel somewhat normal now.

I have a B.A in Economics and an MBA in Finance.  Up until 6 months ago the notion of writing anything was absolutely terrifying to me.  And then I began the process of reflecting on some of the more distressing emotions and flash-backs that accompany my disease.  Especially those that wake me at 4 am!  And I am finding the process of writing the feelings down invaluable.

In the last few months, I have begun doing in-depth research of Maternal Depression/Anxiety Disorders and their impact on adolescents and teens.  I hope someday to publish a book on how to Parent through these disorders in order to protect vulnerable children.

For now, I have decided to keep my name out of it.  I have done this to protect my younger sister.  Not to protect the abusers.  But my sister has decided to live a life of denial and unfortunately for her, that has led to many horrible consequences.  Nonetheless, I feel it could harm her for our “family” story to become public as she has spent so many years pretending none of it happened.  In the future I hope she can also get the help she needs to get out of an emotionally abusive marriage and start to live a more joyful and fulfilling life.  Maybe someday she will listen to me.  That is my prayer.

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